Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
