Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
