I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He better not be in your backpack
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
