hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
