8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize