It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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