Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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