I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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