At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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