You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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