he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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