did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
