I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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