After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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