After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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