i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize