I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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