Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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