i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
