it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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