he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize