i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
