If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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