We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
