Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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