Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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