im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
