Just cropdusted the office
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
