he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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