I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize