God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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