I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
