She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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