I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize