If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
