8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
