A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
