we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
