the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
