I think im going to throw up on grandma
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
