Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
