I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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