Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
