i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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