you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
