tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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