No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
