he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
