Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
