The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
