if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
