I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
is it fun? or sober?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
