LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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