Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
