I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
