i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
