I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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