I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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