mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
