Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
