Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
