So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize