Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he thought i was a dude.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
