i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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