Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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