i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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