My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
