Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
