I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
