I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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