ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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