I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
