there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
