It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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