How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
