why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
do nipples grow back?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
