I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize