Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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