Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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