I'm passing your future prison.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
