Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
