He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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