they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
