if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
