I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
