I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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