Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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