I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
